Team Lally Show with RB Kelly
Body Language Boss
Announcer: It’s time to enter the world of real estate in Oahu with Hawaii’s only true real estate radio show, the Team Lally real estate show. Grab a pen and get ready to take notes! For the next full hour, Hawaii’s premier real estate leader, Adrienne Lally and Attilio Leonardi will bring you the latest in real estate news and real world strategies on how they can guarantee to sell your home at a price and deadline you agree to! Or they’ll buy it! Now, here are your hosts, Adrienne and Attilio!
Adrienne: Welcome to the team Lally real estate show home of the guaranteed sold program or we’ll but it. If you have any questions just give us a call at 799-9596 or you can check us out on the web at www.teamlally.com.
Attilio: Well hey everybody this is Attilio and hey, for those legal, legal and what is it?
Attilio: Oh, tax. Yeah. We’re not giving any of that advice. There’s your anec—there’s your disclaimer in the beginning of the show. And I want to go straight into some, what do we call this part of the show? It’s called the life, life coach, life tip of the week. And what I wanted to talk about was, well first of all, this is a real show.
Adrienne: Yes. It’s not a fake show.
Attilio: So, we were just about to go out—we were just about to go on air and you’re like, where’s the, where’s the script? And that reminded me and had me, and had me think to, or bring to the forefront of my thoughts, scripts.
Attilio: And how important scripts are in everything that we do. In, and I don’t know, maybe not necessarily just because you’re in sales, you need to have a script. Uh, the best analogy that I can utilize to explain to everybody that might be listening to this show and whatever, whatever area of your life you’re in regarding scripts, on a personal or on a business level, is this: uh, scripts are important, I guess the analogy to use is Brad Pitt, how much do you think he makes to do a movie?
Attilio: Millions. Let’s, let’s, let’s say it’s, I don’t know maybe, let’s say, let’s call it—
Adrienne: $20 billion.
Attilio: Let’s call it $20 million. Now, the script is probably as thick as a little skinny phone book. I don’t even know if people, I don’t know if that’s a good analogy, people are like what is a phone book? But, one showed up on my doorstep but it’s the small, it’s the small one. And you know, I don’t know why they even continue to drop those off because they’re selling the advertising because people just look stuff up. But anyway, uh, when Brad Pitt shows up Day 1 of shooting, there’s usually somebody off camera and they’ll, if, if, if he forgets a line, he’ll just yell the word, “Line!” And then the script coach or the script director will read from wherever they’re at in the shooting and give him the information that he needs to continue with the script. Now, for $20 million, you think Brad Pitt is showing up on the Day 1 of shooting and everyday going “Line, line, line!” Like every single line?
Adrienne: No, he’s got it down, he’s got it memorized and he’s been practicing.
Attilio: And why people go to the movies, why, and you know this and you have this feeling, people, maybe we are, we’re articulating what they intuitively, intuitively is happening with them in the movie. Reality is suspended for a moment. You’re not, you don’t feel like you’re sitting in a chair looking at a 2-dimenisional flat screen. You feel like you’re in that moment with that character and do you, in any way is the, is the forefront of your thoughts thinking, oh, he’s reading a script?
Attilio: You’re into the character! So, scripts, or in any kind of situation where you’re all, have to like get on the phone, or in person, communicate with someone, uh, we teach this, we go to this class called BOLD, what does it stand for?
Adrienne: Business Objective Life by Design.
Attilio: That last part, life by design, what does that mean?
Adrienne: So, it’s a life by design, not by default. So, you want to be intentional about how you’re living your life.
Attilio: And how do we do, no, how do we know—
Adrienne: Because you want to be intentional, you want to be intentional about the words that you use and how you use them.
Attilio: Yes. And so—
Adrienne: And when you use them.
Attilio: Yeah, so it’s the words you use, the sequence, when you use them, and, and—
Adrienne: And then the tone, the inflection. The body language.
Attilio: The body language yeah. So, but we’re focusing on, here’s your, here’s your thoughts folks, you don’t have to go to somebody to get these awesome scripts and you know, these words on these pieces of paper and you’re repeating them back to someone isn’t going to put them in some hypnotic trance and they’re going to say yes to everything that you want to do, but I will tell you, I will tell you that just like when Brad Pitt, in that moment, as the character suspends reality and you really believe that he’s that special ops guy that they need to go and defend the world from the zombie apocalypse, you believe his character and that heart-breaking emotional situation he’s in when he’s having to leave his family on the aircraft carrier or rejoin them, you believe that he’s that person. And when you have scripts, whether it’s, even, like even if you’re dating, I can guarantee you right now, I don’t know, watch the movie, what is it, Hitch? I think it’s—
Attilio: Hitch. He was giving that character in the movie a script on how to interact with people so he could get a date and we use the same thing in sales. So, here’s the point, we’ll wrap it up and get onto the next part of our show. Is that really, whether it’s a script form somebody else or from a coach, or you taking the time to write down the type of conversation or the direction of your conversation, learning objections. They estimate in any kind of sales situation, there’s probably 10 or 15 objections for anything that you’re selling.
Adrienne: So, having the objection handlers is number 1 and then also, you know, have, by using the scripts, you’re able to direct the conversation in the direction that you, you would like it to go and asking those intentional questions.
Attilio: And Gary Keller, he’s the founder of the, CEO of the uh, Keller Williams says this, “You’ve got to get dedicated to the extremely insanely mundane and boring.” And the, being dedicated to the insanely mundane and boring is taking these scripts and practicing them, I’ll use some Latin here, verbatim, over and over and over and over and over and pretending you’re Brad Pritt and somebody’s paying you $20 million to memorize this script. Now nobody’s going to give you the money to memorize the script but the outcome of memorizing these types of dialogue with people to help you be more persuasive and getting them going in a direction that you want to go, is going to give you the results. So, it’s either life by default, ah! You know what I get on the phone with my prospect I spent thousands of dollars—
Adrienne: Just going to wing it.
Attilio: Thousands of dollars generating these leads and they hit me with an objection I’m not prepared for I’m just going to go uh, you know, you can’t do the old that’s a great question I’ll get back to you, no! Boom, you’re done!
Attilio: So, life by design, learn scripts, write a script for whatever you’re doing, whether it’s, it’s, it’s uh dating, or trying to get somebody to use your product or service, get a script and practice it, suspend reality and get really good. You know, here’s a script for you, when you’re asking someone, we talked about the other day, when asking someone if they’re qualified to buy a home.
Attilio: What is the script?
Adrienne: Well you ask them, when you talked with your lender, what, what did they say?
Attilio: When you sat down with your lender, what did they tell you? You see how subtle that is? You’re not saying hey, are you pre-approved and should I even bother working with you because you can’t even qualify to buy a refrigerator box? No, a little bit too direct. But—
Adrienne: Soften it up.
Attilio: Soften it up. When you sat down with your lender, what did they tell you? And the response—
Adrienne: That’s so nice.
Attilio: That’s so nice. Yeah. Okay.
Adrienne: Okay, so speaking of nice, we’ve got, we’ve got some quotes to start our show off. And uh, we get these quotes from Hawaii Pacific Property Management. Hopefully we’ll have a tip from Duke later on in the show. Alright so this first one is from Nelson Henderson. “The true meaning of life is to plant trees under whose shade we do not expect to sit.”
Attilio: Whoa, that was deep!
Attilio: Deep like a tree root.
Adrienne: Alright, next one’s from Steven Den. “You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it, it’s not a mistake. It’s a choice.”
Attilio: I saw a billboard the other day, it said make new mistakes.
Adrienne: That’s right, but this one says if you make it twice, you’re making a choice to make that mistake and uh, you know, that’s on you.
Attilio: You know, my auntie said, first mistake is on you, second mistake I get, I slap your head.
Adrienne: Slap you upside your head. (laughing)
Attilio: Slap you in the head.
Adrienne: Is it slap therapy?
Attilio: Yup. Slap therapy.
Adrienne: Alright, last one’s from Andy Rooney. “Opportunities are never lost. Someone will take the ones that you miss.”
Attilio: That’s pretty optimistic because I don’t know, he was always on the end of 60 minutes but he was the host, went off on some tirade about something.
Adrienne: Well that’s his tirade on opportunities. They’re never lost.
Attilio: Speaking of opportunities.
Adrienne: We’ve got uh Janyce on the line from Dream House Drafting. With her, with her uh, permitting and drafting tip of the week.
Attilio: Hi Janyce are you there?
Janyce: Hi! Yes, I am, how are you guys?
Attilio: We’re doing great. What’ve you got for us this week?
Janyce: Well I’m listening to what you’re talking about with opportunities missed and about mistakes.
Janyce: And the biggest mistake people make is procrastination!
Janyce: So, my tip would be bear in mind, we have less than a year now until no permit fees and no waste water fees goes away on new ADUs.
Adrienne: When, what, when is that deadline? You said less than a year.
Janyce: June of 2018.
Adrienne: Okay. So, 10 months. And then the fees go up, it could be what like, we’re talking like $8,000-$10,000.
Attilio: I, I think, I think we should—
Attilio: I think we should change that date. You know why? I have a sister, she’s always late. So, if we wanted her to show up at like, for our family get-togethers at 1 o’clock we always tell her it’s at 12:30. So I think we should just tell people it’s like maybe 6 months from now. No, no, no. We already told them already, they heard!
Adrienne: So, 10 months—
Janyce: We’ve actually called them numerous times—
Adrienne: To save big money so, so tell us a little bit more about this Janyce, the, is it, this is for the ADUs?
Janyce: This is for ADUs. It’s not being applied to O’hana dwellings but the wonderful thing is, that the city and county of Honolulu is waiving your building permit fees and they are also waiving the waste water connection fee. So, any time you have a second unit being added on a property, there is a waste water connection fee in the neighborhood of $6,500.
Attilio: Wow, so this is literally saving people thousands of dollars. I think the reason why the city uh, city and county of Honolulu is doing this is because we have a housing shortage in Hawaii. Rents are extremely high and uh, what they’re trying to do is just make better use of the existing structures and/or footprint that we have out there right? And create more opportunities for people to have rental, renter, rental income to offset the high costs of the, of the homes that they’re already living in on the main one and then also allowing an opportunity for renters to have a place just to rent. So.
Janyce: And, even if people are doing an illegal rental right now, they can seriously consider getting the space that they’re using either permitted and if they’ve never had one, and then going through the ADU process. Because if you have a building, this is one little caveat that I’m surprised a lot of people don’t know, even in the design community. If your space that you would like to rent out was already permitted, and exceeds the 800 square-foot maximum for an ADU, it will be reviewed on a case-by-case basis and I have already seen one approved.
Attilio: Alright. It’s like an amnesty program for all those guys that are like, you know, they’re not checking in with their parole officer, now they’ve got this amnesty program for you ADU, your accessory dwelling unit.
Janyce: Well in some cases, it wasn’t in the case of our mutual friend whose name I won’t mention uh, it was not an illegal space, it was illegal basement. However, they just sent in their, had me put in their application and it was approved. To be an ADU, even though it exceeds 800 square feet.
Adrienne: Well that’s great news.
Attilio: Well thanks Janyce, for that!
Adrienne: And uh—
Janyce: You’re welcome!
Adrienne: Yeah. And if any of our listeners want to get ahold of Janyce you can give her a call at 206-7107 or reach her online at www.dreamhousedrafting.com. For all of your ADU, permitting—
Attilio: Permitting, design.
Adrienne: Design, all of those, all of those questions will be answered.
Attilio: And if you’re just feeling stressed out, you should call her because she has a very calming voice.
Adrienne: (laughing) Okay so speaking of calming voice, we’ve got uh, Duke on the line with his property management tip of the week. Duke, are you, are you there Duke?
Duke: I am, I hope my voice is calming.
Adrienne: It is!
Duke: Yeah, Janyce is uh, my draftsperson and she’s been wonderful and she did get my ADU approved as an existing 1100 square feet.
Attilio: There, case in point! Real life testimonial from Duke!
Adrienne: She’s an amazing lady.
Duke: She is! So, my, my tip of the month or the week is to make sure that with Houston, you know, all of our thoughts being with the people in Houston right now, is make sure that you have loss rent coverage on your homeowner’s policy. Because a lot of, a lot of those people don’t even have flood, they said 76% of all those homes did not have flood insurance. Yup! So, they’re, they’re in a bunch of hurt right now.
Attilio: Yeah. So, loss of rent.
Duke: Yup, loss of rent coverage is probably about $12 additional a year, uh, but when you have a tenant who has a catastrophe in the house, let’s say we have a loss of water or fire, we’re not going to get rent from that tenant. In the meantime, we need to make sure that the rent is covering the mortgage. Because your mortgage won’t stop.
Attilio: Yeah, it’s not the bank’s problem if you’ve got a vacant unit because they want their mortgage.
Duke: Well the Marco Polo people are having a tough time right now because they’re 65% of all those units are not even, they’re water damaged so they can’t even get in. They’ve got mold growing in them already after about 2 weeks.
Adrienne: Do you have, do you have any rentals in the Marco Polo unit currently?
Duke: We did, but we don’t currently, thank you. Wow, that was a bad thing.
Attilio: Our hearts go out to those owners and those people and uh, yup, get that loss of rent insurance that probably would have, hopefully people, some people had those in there who had rentals.
Adrienne: I would say loss of rent like and then like just make sure you’re properly insured if you, you know, if you have an investment property, and you, we’ve got a great insurance agent, Bradley Maruyama from Allstate who can just, you know, take a look at your situation, and make sure that you have the proper insurance to make sure you’re protected from any, any kind of situation.
Attilio: Okay. Alright, thanks Duke!
Duke: And then you have loss so make sure you are properly covered.
Attilio: Alright appreciate it Duke!
Duke: Alright, Team Lally!
Attilio: Hey, you know, Duke’s got a rent guarantee.
Adrienne: Yeah, so basically, if he doesn’t rent your home in 30 days—
Adrienne: He’ll pay the rent!
Attilio: No way!
Attilio: That is ridonkulous.
Adrienne: Yes. It is. You’ll have to give him a call and find out more about that. You can reach him at 445-9223, that’s 445-9223. You can also check them out online at www.hipacificpm.com.
Attilio: You want to bring Benji on before we take a break?
Adrienne: Yeah, let’s bring Benji on, he’s been waiting patiently. I’m sure he’s got some—
Benji: How are you guys doing?
Adrienne: Oh, great, great, and uh, we’ve got our, our roofing tip of the week from uh, from Benji. Aloha from AAA Roofers Hawaii.
Benji: Hello everybody, okay, so you know, I, as I always talk about, I always talk about you make sure that you do your homework before hiring any type of contractor. I will give you an example, I went up on a roof here today and uh, a plumber you know, put some holes in the roof to bring out some vent uh, vent pipes. Uh, I just got through, you know, doing that roof, you know, we just completed uh, ___ 4 vent pipes on top of theirs so what this plumber did is he deleted 2 of the existing vent pipes and put 6 up. And he was never tied in to the original or the existing vent pipes, which he could have done, so now the, the home owner has a problem of, of leakages and I’ve got to go fix it because there’s 6 extra vent pipes and it was just 1 for each, when you can actually tie into the existing ones. So, I asked them, I said where did you hire these guys, you know? Is this your friend or you know? They said no, he’s the cheapest one.
Benji: So, the moral, the moral of the story is, cheaper is not always the best.
Attilio: Yes, you get what you pay for.
Benji: Yeah, but then you know, most expensive is not always the best, too right?
Adrienne: Yeah, you want to do your due diligence right and research and look for the, the feedback online, ask for references.
Attilio: We call them Goldilocks and the 3 bears.
Attilio: You’ve got to get the—
Benji: That one stole the porridge! (laughing)
Attilio: The porridge, some of it is too hot, too cold, but just right!
Adrienne: So, so, so with this uh, big mistake that was made like how, how much extra money did it end up costing by trying to go cheap?
Benji: Yeah, I don’t really know, but at the same time, I mean, you know, we, we are not the most expensive and we are not the most cheapest of course, you know, but then again, we make sure that our work is done quality you know, and we understand what we’re doing. You know uh, make sure, make sure you do your homework on whatever contractor you hire out to come in and do your work.
Attilio: Well, you know, we at Team Lally, we work with thousands of clients, we’ve been in business for 10 years, we’ve done the research and we highly recommend uh, you know, AAA Roofers of Hawaii.
Adrienne: Yeah and you know what else is, got kind of, funny because like Duke was talking about how Janyce helped him with his permit?
Adrienne: They also helped him with his roof?
Attilio: You guys did Duke’s roof? Awesome!
Benji: Oh, yeah, we fixed his roof.
Attilio: You know, we’re just going to call it, who did Duke’s stuff?
Attilio: It’s called, “Who did Dukes'” moment on the show.
Adrienne: And he, he, he loves you guys. He said you’re awesome.
Benji: Yeah, Duke is, Duke is a real, he’s a real nice guy. You know, but that, my, my tip is you know, to make sure you do your homework with whatever contractor you work with. Make sure they’re insured, you know, make sure they’re with DCCA so that they’re, you know, you don’t end up with some fly-by-night thing and then later on you look for them and it’s like nowhere to be found. You know, that kind of thing. There’s been a lot of that going around you know, so just an awareness thing.
Attilio: Well thanks for calling into the show, we hope to hear you every week.
Adrienne: Yes, yes.
Benji: Thank you!
Adrienne: Yes, good to hear from you Benji!
Benji: Alright, thanks.
Attilio: Alright so that was Benji with AAA Roofers of Hawaii. How can they be reached?
Adrienne: You can give them a call at 531-2211 or check them out online at www.aaaroofershawaii.com.
Attilio: Now, I love their tagline if you uh, if you don’t use AAA Roofers, it’s your own—
Attilio: There you go!
Adrienne: (laughing) So on that note, we’re going to take a short break, but stay with us.
Attilio: Wait, hold on, when you come back and, and uh, we’re going to come back, we’re going to be talking with RB Kelly, she’s the Body Language Boss! She’s going to be telling us secrets to making networking small talk and sales conversations, incredibly easy, so stay tuned.
Adrienne: It’s like the easy button.
Attilio: It’s like the uh—
Adrienne: Stay with us.
Attilio: Jedi mind tricks but for real.
[Music fades to commercials]
Announcer: The TEAM Lally real estate show continues.
Adrienne: Welcome back and thanks for listening to the Team Lally real estate show, home of the guaranteed sold program or we’ll buy it. I’m Adrienne—
Attilio: And I’m Attilio!
Adrienne: And if you have any questions just give us a call at 799-9596 or check us out on the web at www.teamlally.com.
Attilio: Well we have a special treat for today. Our guest is corporate trainer, keynote speaker, and personal coach from, from Body Language but she is the Body Language Boss!
Adrienne: So according to RB, changing your body language using science-based principles will help you earn the respect, recognition and business that you deserve and give you the competitive advantage you need in Hawaii to thrive and take care of your O’hana.
Attilio: Here today to talk to us about the importance of learning body language skills, to help you be more memorable, charismatic, and interesting, please welcome our special guest, RB Kelly!
RB: Hi, everyone, thank you for having me, I’m so jazzed to be here.
Attilio: Oh good!
Adrienne: Well thanks for joining us, it’s going to be a fun, a fun show!
RB: I’m definitely excited.
Attilio: Yeah, we’re talking about body language, this is the time when we needed to do the, do the Facebook live.
Adrienne: Oh yes.
Attilio: Because then people can see how like, our funny faces and stuff that we’re making but. They’re just going to have to imagine it.
Adrienne: Yes, use your imagination.
Attilio: Use your imagination! So, we want to, uh, you know, before we, so local style uh, business, business to business type conversations is we like to get to know the person a little bit more you know, on the mainland we’re boom, we just get straight to it. Let’s talk business. But in Hawaii we want to learn, know a little bit about the person so, our first question is are you from here, from somewhere else? If not, how did you get here?
RB: I was born and raised in, in Utah and I met my husband in a small town, we both went to the same college and he’s in the military. So, Hawaii is his first duty station and we’ve been here for almost 2 years and we’ll be here for a little bit longer.
Adrienne: Nice. That’s a, it’s a great place to start. This was actually my first duty station too.
Adrienne: And I just never left!
RB: (laughing) I’m starting to feel that way. I don’t want to leave.
Attilio: Yeah, I came here with ___ with people. No, I don’t come here with __ with people. They told me up something but it wasn’t up with people. (laughing) Alright, so, uh, and then, then, now we’ve got to talk about, we were, we were talking about the name, I mean, RB Kelly, can be like, it sounds like a restaurant, it could be like a law firm.
Adrienne: Or a rapper. You know.
RB: R Kelly actually has a song called “Body Language.” So, when people Google me, sometimes they find him instead.
Attilio: Alright, yeah, let’s call that ___ or SEO, we love it! Alright, so RB Kelly and what, what does it stand for or why do you go by that moniker?
RB: Well, my given name was Rachel when I was growing up, but there were actually 16 Rachels in my high school graduating class alone. And so, turning your head every time someone says, “Hey, Rachel,” wasn’t really working out for me, so I came up with RB, and that took my, my first initials and just turned it into my name.
Adrienne: Nice! So, so creative! I love it.
RB: Thank you.
Attilio: Alright so let’s talk about this uh, the Body Language Boss. Uh, you’re, you’re, you come in, people have bad body language, you whack them, because you’re the Body Language Boss.
RB: I carry a stick, yes.
Attilio: And uh, hey, what’s the matter with you, I don’t like this body language you got! Boom! But anyway, no, that’s not the, the Body Language Boss, let’s talk about that because we, we initially, I think there was some kind of even that a hotel that you were, uh, the speaker at and that you’re bring brought in and we, I think, I don’t know—
Adrienne: Our schedules conflicted but we were still very interested in what you were, you know, what you were teaching. We thought wow, that would be an interesting, she would be an interesting guest for us to uh, to get to know here on the radio.
Attilio: I know the, the, I think what’s, what’s interesting about it and I mean, we’ll, you’re the expert so we’re going to let you delve into it a little bit more is that, people don’t understand how important body language is, it’s all that nonverbal communication right I mean it’s, you can, it’s, Adrienne was talking about it prior to bringing you on is that, people, when you’re saying one thing, but your body language is saying another thing, that really makes for weird interactions with people right?
RB: Definitely weird interactions. I’m, they say body language is 12 1/2 times more powerful than words. So, you’ve all experienced this where someone says, “Uh, I’m fine.” And the, the voice tone, the body language, it’s contradicting the words and so you don’t believe what they’re saying. And how this ties into sales, well, non-verbal communication, that’s your body language, that’s your voice tone, that’s your outward appearance, that is between 60-93% of all communication. So most of the ways that you talk and send messages with other people, most of those messages come through your nonverbal communication. And so, when sales, if you’re talking to someone and you’re, you’re trying to guide them through the sales process, they might be too polite to say what their real objections are. They might be too polite to interrupt you and just brush you off and say I’m not interested. But their body language is telling you everything. That’s going through their end. The quirk of their lip, the tilt of their brow, the way their eyes are moving, the way they’re leaning forward or leaning back, even the direction their feet are pointing. If you’re able to read that, you’re able to tell exactly where they are in the sales process. And, what you need to do in case there’s an objection because it will tell you exactly what objection they’re having.
Adrienne: Well I think here, in Hawaii, it’s even more so, people are so polite.
RB: Oh, yes.
Adrienne: Like they don’t want to be direct or just give you the brush off.
RB: You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, all the aloha you are trying to be kind and trying to be gentle with people. But, that makes it really hard sometimes to be honest to people. We’ve all learned how to filter our words, but our body language is incredibly honest.
Attilio: Yeah, I think, what did we learn, in Hawaii we’re always trying to balance truth with, what was the other word?
Adrienne: With harmony.
Attilio: Yeah, harmony! Truth with harmony. In Hawaii, everybody, oh, oh, I don’t like to make waves, I don’t like to say anything, but soon as you’re, soon as you’re done interacting with you and they get in the car, they’re like oh, what the hell was that guy, oh he’s not for real, he’s so fake and—
Adrienne: It’s like the, the capital of the passive aggressiveness.
RB: Yes, and so if you’re able to read that passive aggressiveness or read what’s going on in their mind for real, you don’t have to waste their time. On the contrary, when you can see that you’ve said something, maybe you’re showing someone a couple of different houses or maybe you’re talking about a couple different process, uh, products that you sell. You’re able to see on their face, which ones they like and which ones they don’t. That way you don’t have to waste your time and their time talking about something that they don’t want to buy.
Attilio: So, when you’re asking somebody a question and you’re trying to get them to move in a forward direction, uh, you know, in selling they call the, the, they call this uh, tell-tales. When you look up on the sale and that little, little red streamers up on the sale tells you the direction of the wind. So, that’s where we come with that phrase, tell-tales. So, what are these tell-tales that we’re, you know, you’re asking, you’re trying to get somebody to agree with you or move in that direction and you know what I just realized too, this could be parents talking to their children.
RB: Yeah, that’s a huge one.
Attilio: You know, talking with a spouse, trying to get them to, you know, uh, go buy that really expensive car that we can’t afford. So, how (laughing) what are, so what’s, what’s some nonverbal that we should be looking at that, that’s telling you that these people possible aren’t in agreement with what you’re sharing with them?
RB: Well, you have to be careful with that because there are a lot of places, there are a lot of shows and TV shows and books that will tell you that, this one cue to look for will tell you with 100% accuracy and that just isn’t so. You always want to look for 2 or 3 different nonverbal cues that mean the same thing. And that lets you know with, with certainty that you’ve really come to the right conclusion.
Adrienne: So, you’re looking for the patterns? Of those same, of those same kind of uh, facial expressions or body language just to 100% confirm they’re not interested or, you know, they’re excited.
RB: They’re kind of interested, or they were interested, but then I said something about this product and they, that really turned them off. And you’re able to read that and fix it.
Attilio: I know too, that the, the, the nonverbal, the body language, is coming from deeper within the mind so it’s, you know, like verbally we control or words and so we can, we can sugarcoat things, but our nonverbal are pretty much like, uh, like those true feelings and stuff like that and unless you’re a psychopath, you really can’t, your, it’s almost subconscious right, you’re not even, you aren’t even aware that you’re doing them.
RB: You’re exactly right. There are actually centers in your brain that read and code body language. That’s their sole purpose. Men, on average, have 4-6 of these centers, women on average, have 14-16, so the 2 sexes experience it differently. But most of the time, those centers are running on autopilot. So, you’re not thinking, oh, this is an interesting speaker, I’m going to lean in, tilt my head, and smile. But you just naturally do those things. And so, if you’re talking to someone who’s boring or you don’t like what you’re hearing, you naturally use your body language to tell them the truth.
Attilio: Now, do you feel like people are all like, once they know that you’re the Body Language Boss, they’re all like, I’m body language self-conscious now!
RB: Oh, I’ve seen that more times than I can count.
Attilio: I don’t even want to move!
RB: I’ll be introduced to someone and they’ll be so confident so outgoing, we’ll be having a great conversation, then it comes up what I do and almost without fail, they’ll freeze, lock down, like shrink down and take up less space, and take a step back and all of that, I’ll often even see like a fear micro expression. And all of a sudden, I can see they’re feeling really insecure, really nervous and I’m like, I’m sorry guys, you were doing so great, don’t panic!
Attilio: Can you imagine when you interact with people, you’re like those, like those fainting goats, where the goat just falls over on its back with its legs up in the air and that’s how people start talking with you. But, it, you know, it’s like you said, if your uh, it’s, it’s those nonverbal on the exterior is, it’s connecting to something way down deep inside. So, if they’re’ like, if they have that low self-esteem they’re going to be all like, uh, I don’t want to be like, if I twitch my thumb I might be saying that I’m not interested in what you’re saying. But uh, alright.
Adrienne: So, so is your husband an expert on this body language because I, I mean I can only imagine your guys, uh, dynamics there.
RB: When I first started out doing body language, he thought it was total BS, he didn’t believe in it at all. And then I started being able to read him and call him out on things, and finally he came to a presentation of mine and he was like, whoa! This is real! And studies show that in every relationship, if you, if you have the ability to read nonverbal, your satisfaction increases. Your contentment in the relationship increases. But when that ability to read facial expressions and nonverbal cues decreases, you almost always see lesser feelings of satisfaction and greater feelings of depression. And so, I actually saw that in my own relationships with my husband. We’ve only been married for a couple of years but in the beginning, before I learned body language, you know, we fought, it was tough, like every relationship is. But, the more I learned how to read his facial expressions, the more he learned to read mine, the better and better and easier it got.
Attilio: Yeah, because you know, relationships, they’re not like that Twix commercial. It’s like, you said, I always say like in the relationships there’s the uh, I call it, what do I call that question? With the dress?
Adrienne: Oh, do you look fat, do I look fat in this dress?
Attilio: There’s always this, call it the landmine question, you’re like, uh! So, in the Twix commercial, the guys like, you don’t look fat in that or something like that and then, then he snaps the Twix and he can go back and give a different answer because the response wasn’t what—
Adrienne: Wasn’t what he was supposed to say.
Attilio: So, life is not, we can’t do the Twix commercial and change our response you know, once you do the response, based on those nonverbal or for, that you either caught or missed, it’s done. What’s done is done. So, the uh, let’s go back to the beginning. What uh, what made you decide to go in this direction to begin with?
RB: That’s a huge story for me. Growing up, my parents thought I was slightly autistic. I struggled so much to talk to people, I never knew what to say, never knew what people were feeling, I would offend people or irritate people without ever knowing. And my mom was a social butterfly and loved me dearly, wanted to help. She started out by getting me uh people skills books. First one she got me was How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teenage Girls with a pink cover and everything. And that started this path where I would, I knew the guidelines for talking to people, but I still couldn’t quite get it. But once I found body language, things started to change. I was actually able to look at someone and basically sum up their body language to, so I could tell, oh, this person is bored. Conclusion: I should change the subject or stop talking. And I was suddenly able to regulate these conversations in a way I’d never been able to before. And that made a huge difference for me. All of a sudden I was able to talk to people. I went from being lonely and isolated to being able to talk to anyone, anywhere, any time. And it made a huge difference for me. And so, now I get to teach other people like that. I work with a lot of socially awkward people. I work with a lot of people how maybe had, had difficulties in their lives where they’re afraid of talking to people or growing up, uh, your parents taught you not to talk to strangers but now, as a sales professional, you have to do that in order to take care of your family. And often we just don’t know what to say, we don’t know how to say it, we don’t know what on earth we’re doing. And so being able to find the body language that makes you feel confident, that makes you feel secure, and being able to read the body language of the people around you, that makes a huge difference. you’re able to feel comfortable and confident. You’re able to read people, you’re able to know what they’re thinking and you’re able to know where to go next.
Attilio: Hey, tell us, you know what? Let’s talk about instant rapport. Let’s at least cover instant rapport then we’ll take a break.
Adrienne: Okay, instant rapport.
Attilio: Instant rapport is critically important uh, you talk about the, what is it? The men have the 5 or 6 centers and the women have the 14 uh the other statistic I heard was that uh, a guy is going to determine whether he likes you in about 20 seconds and a woman’s going to decide whether she likes you in about 12 seconds and it’s just because you guys are sharper. No, just kidding. (Laughing). But, so instant rapport is important and it literally happens, it’s such a short period. What are you, if, so, when you go to meet someone face-to-face, and you’re being proactive and approaching them, what are you looking for in those first couple of seconds on those nonverbal to, to determine whether you’re developing rapport with them?
RB: That’s a huge decision, that’s one of the most important things I teach. How to start attracting clients from very first sight, and usually it doesn’t take 12 or 20 seconds to make up your mind, usually you make up your mind in 1 or 2 seconds or less. So, those first seconds when you first lay on, lay eyes on someone or first hear their voice, those are crucial. And what you’re looking for, you don’t really look for uh, whether someone’s stylish, you don’t really look for whether they’re cool, whether they fit in. The first thig you look for is whether or not they are safe to approach. Your brain’s number 1 priority is staying alive, so you’re looking for indicators that you can approach them and stay alive.
Attilio: So, holding a bloody axe. Not a good—
RB: Not a good sign!
Adrienne: (laughing) Don’t do that.
RB: But one of the ways we do that, is we actually, there’s one part of the body that we look at very first in order to tell if someone is trustworthy or not. Any guesses on what that would be?
Attilio: I’m going to guess eyeballs. Eyes?
RB: Eyeballs, I hear eyes, face, even shoes. But for a split fraction of a second, we actually look at someone’s hands.
Adrienne: Make sure there’s no bloody axe.
RB: Make sure there’s no bloody axe, no gun, no spear. We look at someone’s hands. And I saw this on a video on YouTube the other day. There was a man in a hoodie jacket with his hands in his pockets checking out at a subway. And he went through and everything was cool until they got to the cash register. As soon as the cash register opened up, he pulled a gun out of his hoodie pocket and held up the store and because we know dangerous hands are, when we can’t see them, there’s a part of our body, there’s a part of our brain that is wondering and, and worrying in the background. What am I missing? What are they hiding?
Attilio: See, I’m standing up in the studio right now, both of my hands are in my pockets.
Adrienne: Your hands are in your pockets. That’s not a good way to build instant rapport.
Attilio: You know, I know our producer would not appreciate by brass knuckles and the hand gun that I brought into the studio so I, you know, I’m just keeping them in my pockets for now.
RB: Out of sight. That’s the number one thing you ought to do when you first meet someone is make sure they can see your hands. Whether that’s a wave, handshake, hug, ___ even. You want to make sure they can see that you are un-armed.
Attilio: Yeah, I like that because that’s what we do in Hawaii. When you, when you guys are driving towards, you’re on the, on the road and you know somebody, well I lived, I used to live on the north shore long time, so it’s only, the one road.
Adrienne: Yeah, the one lane.
Attilio: One to the north shore, going away from the north shore, and if you knew somebody you would stick your hand out right below the side view mirror and give a little small ___, or you do it over the steering wheel.
Adrienne: Not a big __, a little __.
Attilio: Big ___ is only in Waikiki.
Attilio: Big like tourists, like double handed ___ like this. Like you’re milking a cow.
Adrienne: Alright well we’re going to take a real short break but stay with us. We’ve got more questions for RB Kelly, the Body Language Boss.
[Music fades to commercials]
Announcer: It’s the Team Lally real estate show. Here are your hosts, Adrienne and Attilio!
Adrienne: Welcome back and thanks for listening to the Team Lally real estate show, home of the guaranteed sold program or we’ll buy it. I’m Adrienne—
Attilio: And I’m Attilio.
Adrienne: And if you have any questions just give us a call at 799-9596. You can also check us out online at www.teamlally.com.
Attilio: Well hey everybody if you’re just tuning in, we’ve got RB Kelly, she’s our in-studio guest today. She’s the Body Language Boss. And she’s talking about how to uh, you know, I like what you talked about earlier is like uh, some of your clients that you work with are, what we call socially-awkward. So, it’s kind of like you’re, you’re helping people with those inter-personal, those, those, those social, what, I think you, I think you have it in here, soft skills.
RB: Yeah, yeah studio shows today that the number one skill sought after in the job market is people skills. And other studies show that the number one reason for being fired is lack of people skills. So, there’s, there’s not a lot of training about what I do. In high schools, you don’t really learn about this in school. It used to be that you would learn about this the hard way. You’d go after school and you’d play in the street and you’d learn how to interact with people. But especially for this rising-up generation, we don’t really get that interaction. And I think that contributes to a lot of social anxiety and a lot of socially—awkward people in these younger generations.
Attilio: Yeah, because I think the big challenge today is with these kids nowadays, my kids too, is all their interaction is via the dang Snapchatting and the texting, so there’s no, what kind of social cues are there?
Adrienne: Yeah, the online interaction is way different than the, the face-to-face, interpersonal.
RB: And I, I had to face that growing up. Uh, I went through a phase where I was so isolated and so lonely in college that I went, I was so anxious to talk to people, I wouldn’t answer the phone, I wouldn’t answer my door, I was just so afraid of having to deal with people. And so, once I started learning these skills, it took a lot of that anxiety away. And so, on the one hand you have, you kind of worry for the upcoming generation because they’re going to need these skills, on the other hand, the good news is, they’re going to keep me in business.
Adrienne: Yeah, you’re going to be a very busy lady.
RB: Yes, I actually had the chance this week to go to one of the local high schools, James Campbell High and do an all-day workshop just for the kids on people skills.
Adrienne: That’s amazing.
Attilio: Now I was looking at your website, you have a commitment to going to the high schools.
RB: I do, yes.
Attilio: Tell us more about that.
RB: Well, I know that these skills are going to be crucial for these kids, on the other hand, uh, most schools, they can’t really afford to hire me to come in and do an extensive training, so I knew there was a need and I figured, let’s just fill it. We don’t really have to worry about business or profit for this. These kids need it more, so I’ve been coordinating with teachers, principals, counselors, to try and get into as many high schools as possible to help these kids with job interviews, to help them with picking their romantic partner, to help them prepare, interact with the rest of the world for the rest of their life.
Attilio: Now, I noticed too that the, I mean what you’re teaching people, there’s a difference between being persuasive or uh, intuitively being open to, to what you’re seeing, and interpreting it and then there’s manipulation. You’re not teaching people how to manipulate other people in, in, in any way. This is—
RB: No, in fact I, I want people to be able to be aware of how others are manipulating them, in fact when I go through these programs, I’ll talk about how you can use these skills to build genuine rapport with people but also, what con artists, what people who are trying to take advantage of you, what predators will do in order to try and trap you with these skills. I want all—
Adrienne: So, so giving them like a red flag, like if someone is doing this, this is usually what that means.
RB: Exactly and so when you know how these skills work, I mean there are some things you can do that create instant responses in people’s brains and predators take advantage of that. And I wat you, I want everyone to be armed against those, those impulses so that when, you know when it’s happening, you know what’s happening, and you know to get out of dodge.
Attilio: Okay. So, we can’t just rely upon the basics, hey, he’s in a panel van, driving around near the elementary schools, we’ve got to look at sometimes these, these people that, uh, want to take advantage of you, they’re just in everyday life.
RB: Exactly. You know, some of the biggest monsters uh, Ted Bundy and others, they were charming. They knew how to use these people skills and actually that’s what psychopaths do. They learn how to mimic people skills and they learn how to use them against you. Some studies say, one in every 100 people is actually a psychopath. Most of them are just business people, regular people, going around and having a normal life. But for those ones that aren’t, uh, they know how to work people, they know how to manipulate people.
Attilio: Yeah, my parole officer—
Adrienne: And they use it for evil.
RB: Yes, and I want my people to use their powers for good.
Attilio: Yeah, my parole officer saw you online and highly recommended that I come check you out and uh, no, I’m just. Anyway, so the, uh—
Adrienne: So, you have, you have some events coming up as well so if any of our listeners want to come and take some, some training form you.
RB: Yeah, my next event, I’ve got a couple coming up in September. One on September 5th, one on September 21st. That’s a Tuesday and a Thursday. And it’s a 2-hour workshop in downtown Honolulu and it’s all about the number one failure in sales and how to fix it.
RB: And that number one failure is not knowing what your prospect is thinking or feeling. And so, we’re going to be walking through all the different movements of the face and what they mean. What they mean is a sales conversation, what they mean in customer service, and how to fix it.
Attilio: Alright and you’ve got instructions on here where they can sign up at www.bodylanguageboss.com.
RB: Www.bodylanguageboss.com. I’ve also got a free resource up there. I work a lot with how to talk to people, but sometimes you still just want to know what to say. So, I’ve got a free resource on my website that’s all about what to say to people when you don’t know what to say.
Adrienne: So, these are like scripts that you can use.
RB: Little scripts, yes, and there’s—
Attilio: Mini scripts.
Adrienne: We were talking about that in the beginning of the show, here we are full circle, back to the scripts.
Attilio: How appropriate. So, anyway, the uh, so we’ve got RB Kelly, she’s the Body Language Boss, you know, a couple other things we want to talk about. The, you know, we, we, the, the overall general that everybody can relate to is that if you understand someone’s body language it helps with your relationship, with those significant others uh, let’s drill it down and maybe give, give people one or two or three different tips as far as to see you know, if you’re in sales, the, I think the natural behavior and we know this, what is the, what is the mindset when you’re working with, when you’re trying to interact with somebody and get them to partake in your services? Are they open, closed, uh, defenses up, initially? What is, in general?
Adrienne: Well in general usually they have a little, they’re, you know, their defense is up.
Attilio: Dukes are up.
Adrienne: And until you know, they can trust or feel like you know, you’re there to help them.
RB: And that happens because when they first meet you, your body language isn’t telling them, hey you can trust me. Hey I’m your friend.
Adrienne: Yeah, keep your hands out of your pocket.
RB: Hands out of your pockets, I actually do a whole other workshop just for first impressions because it’s so crucial but the one thing that happens is often we make a subpar first impression and then we except to be able to go in and give a sales conversation. And when you make a subpar first impression, you have to work so hard to try and make up for it later. So usually if, I recommend to people that you make the best first impression possible and then you’re able to read them throughout the sales conversation. And that helps you incredibly when it comes to sales and customer service.
Adrienne: So, it’s really about first impressions, right?
RB: First impressions, that’s where the magic begins.
Adrienne: Alright well, RB, thank you so much for joining us today. This was awesome information.
RB: This was so much fun for me, I really, really enjoyed being here and you two are awesome, thank you.
Attilio: Hey and your body language totally is telling us that you, it was, it was a good thing for you and you were happy and excited to be here. So, uh, RB Kelly, she’s the Body Language Boss, go to RB, go to www.bodylanguageboss.com. You can check out—
Adrienne: Sign up, sign up for her workshops.
Attilio: Go get some coaching, if you’re a high school teacher, have, have them help come bring it into talk to your students and help them out.
Adrienne: Alright, so we’ve got Kimalie waiting patiently on the line to talk about uh, I don’t know, is it an open house or is it—
Attilio: Kimalie, what’ve you got for us today?
Adrienne: What do you have?
Attilio: Hi, Kimalie!
Kimalie: Yes! Hi guys!
Attilio: Hi, what’ve you got for us today?
Kimalie: Awesome, okay, so I will be sitting an open house uh, this Sunday at 95-273 ___ Drive, unit D-201. It’s in the ___ Woodlands in ___, this is a remodeled 2-bedroom, 1-bath unit uh, that does have you know, designer touches throughout the whole unit. Uh, as far as the flooring and the walls uh, but yeah, definitely if you guys can come check it out and come and visit me from 2-5 I will be there. This Sunday.
Adrienne: Thanks, thanks, Kimalie.
Attilio: Thanks, Kimalie!
Kimalie: Thanks, bye!
Attilio: We’ve got all the team members with the letter K calling in. Next, we’ve got Kailee. Hey, Kailee, what’ve you got for us?
Kailee: Oh, hello guys, I’ll be sitting in ___ a beautiful place for ___, it could be a couple, it says 2355 ___ Boulevard, #302. This is the building ___ Pond and it’s home, it has, it’s hosting approximately $8,000 in upgrades, uh, we have granite kitchen countertops of course the beautiful balconies to enjoy the outside weather, open shower, ___ closets and much more to see, I’ll be there this Sunday as well, from 2-5 p.m. Uh and if you have any questions whatsoever or you want to put in an offer, definitely, definitely will be there to help you.
Attilio: Alright, Kailee’s this hungry realtor, please bring him a vegetable sandwich.
Adrienne: Yes, vegetables, he loves vegetables.
Attilio: He loves vegetables.
Kailee: With meat on it!
Adrienne: Especially __.
Attilio: Bring him a big bowl of broccoli, big huge bowl of broccoli. Thank you, Kailee.
Adrienne: Thank you.
Kailee: Thank you.
Attilio: That’s our inside joke. He never eats vegetables, so we always try to watch out for him.
Adrienne: Alright well thank you for listening and thank you to our sponsors.
Attilio: Jodie Tanga and Derek Tanga of Pacific Rim Mortgage!
Adrienne: Bradley Maruyama of Allstate Insurance!
Attilio: And Nathan Baker of Pillar to Post Home Inspections!
Adrienne: Ben and Tony Mamood of AAA Roofers Hawaii!
Attilio: Janyce Myrland with Dream House Drafting!
Adrienne: John Speed of Kilauea Pest Control!
Attilio: Duke Kimhan with Hawaii Pacific Property Management!
Adrienne: Mike Metts of Kama’aina Plumbing!
Attilio: And Myron Kamihara with Kamihara Law. If you want to get ahold of any of our sponsors just go to www.teamlally.com.
Adrienne: We also want to give a big thank you to Lea, our producer here in the studio!
Adrienne: Make sure to, make sure to tune in next week, we’ll have one of our awesome guests talking about something that’ll change your life—
Attilio: Forever! This is the Team Lally real estate show, home of the guaranteed—
Adrienne and Attilio: SOLD PROGRAM!
Adrienne: If we can’t sell your home at the agreed-upon price and your timeframe, we’ll have it bought for cash.
Adrienne and Attilio: THANKS, AND ALOHA!